The Observant and the Crossdresser:
A Morality Play
Man 1: Those are women's socks
Man 2: So
Man 1: I didn't know you wear women's socks
Man 2: There is a lot you don't know about me.
Man 1: I've never seen you wearing women's socks before
Man 2: Are you constantly aware of my socks
Man 1: I make a point to notice things.
Man 2: Socks?
Man 1: Occasionally I notice socks.
Man 2: I think that that is a problem.
Man 1: And I think that it is a skill.
Man 2: A worthless creepy skill that will cause you problems.
Man 1: Are you threatening me?
Man 2: Not specifically
Man 1: Was it a general threat than?
Man 2: Just a warning. Know that sock watching may have consequences.
Man 1: No that is a threat. A malicious threat. I'm going to press charges.
Man 2: Go ahead.
Man 1: I'm serious.
Man 2: Be my guest.
Man 1: Oh you better make the guest bed because I am not messing around.
Man 2: I'll tell my wife
Man 1: Those are her socks aren't they?
Man 2: My socks are my business.
Man 1: Maybe that would be true if you wore longer pants. But they are clearly visible, Ipso Facto they are public space.
Man 2: Ipso Facto. Are you a lawyer now?
Man 1: Everybody says ipso facto.
Man 2: Nobody just goes around saying ipso facto about someone else's socks.
Man 1: That's just it. They are everyone's socks. Because of your high water pants.
Man 2: Just because I like my ankles to breathe now my socks belong to the masses.
Man 1: Masses? What are you some kind of philosopher.
Man 2: People say masses. Don't try to make masses into ipso facto. They are in totally different worlds my friend.
Man 1: The masses don't say masses.
Man 2: Some do.
Man 1: But the majority of the masses don't say masses. So ipso facto, masses and ipso facto are the same.
(Pause)
Man 2: You really think people can tell. I mean black socks are black socks. I was out of black socks and she hand some socks so I thought. Who cares, nobody notices socks.
Man 1: You'd be surprised what people notice.
Man 2: The fact that you are not dead or in jail makes me think that most average people don’t notice like you notice.
Man 1: What is that supposed to mean?
Man 2: I mean if everyone noticed you noticing them all the time they would punch you or shoot you or throw you in jail.
Man 1: It’s not a crime to be observant.
Man 2: It depends on whom and how you observe.
Man 1: I’m not illegally observing important peoples private property.
Man 2: Well you sure are all up in my ankles.
Man 1: All up in? Snoop Dogg is in the house.
Man 2: Oh shut up. Mr. “important peoples private property”. That alliteration is out of control. You sound like a 19th century English poet on speed.
Man 1: Which one is the 19th century?
Man 2: The 1800’s
Man 1: I always get that confused.
Man 2: Maybe you should have noticed more in school.
Man 1: Touché
Man 2: Because it means that you concede my point, and I also happen to like the word touché, I will not make fun of you for using it.
Man 1: Very well. Where were we? Ah Yes. I may concede that historical observation is not my strong suit, but that in no way makes cultural observation, which is indeed my specialty, somehow as you have suggested illegal. I mean who are you to go around threatening “consequences” for people who notice the gender of other people’s footwear. . .
Man 2: Just lay off about my socks.
Man 1: You mean your wives socks.
Man 2: Whoever’s socks.
Man 1: They could be more aptly described as stockings, or maybe even pantyhose.
Man 2: (Punches him in the face)
Man 1: (On ground) I’m trying to think of something witty to say after getting hit in the face by you . . . Something with punching and women’s socks . . .
Man 2: (Pulls gun) Say it, but just know it will not go unpunished.
Man 1: You sock like a girl.
Man 2: That is funny but it seemed a little forced.
Man 1: I know.
Man 2: What about “you sock”.
Man 1: I thought about that but I think it’s too raw. And we lost the whole female angle.
Man 2: Yeah.
Man 1: I’ve got it. Those socks go great with that right hook.
Man 2: Touché (Shoots him in the face)
