My Guidance Counselor is a Pirate
He has Scurvy.
I'm not sure what Scurvy is
But he is always telling us that he has it.
I think it makes you smell like fish
His office is on a boat
Next to the cafeteria
This is a pretty progressive school.
He carries two swords and a gun.
Not like a little cop gun
But a big flintlock pistol
That he tucks in his pirate pants
Next to his short sword.
I’m pretty sure the weapons are illegal
But we don’t have metal detectors here.
We’re too progressive.
If you want to switch classes
He makes you walk the plank
I usually just stick to my schedule.
He is always trying to convince me
To go to this college in the Netherlands
That let’s you major in being a Pirate
I don’t understand how that’s a major.
But it’s probably some progressive thing.
He sponsor’s a fencing team
Except he calls it Swashbuckling
They all wear bandanas and sashes
And get to use real swords
I was going to try out
But my mom was afraid
I might lose a hand
She’s not very progressive.
He’s really good with kids
And he can write a very convincing
Letter of recommendation
He may fly the Jolly Roger
And carry infectious diseases
But I’d take him over
Some guy in a suit any day
After all what’s more progressive than a pirate.