I was getting my passport photo.
So was he.
He came out of no where
Like a fart at a dinner party.
I almost smashed the little guy
But I did a faceplant into the candy instead
It was sweet.
He looked at me on the floor
Like he wanted to kill me with his stubby penguin arms
I asked him where he was headed
As he dusted off his built in tuxedo.
He acted strange.
Like no one had ever tripped over him
And then questioned his destination before.
I guessed aloud that he was going to
All the penguins I’ve ever met were from there.
He spat at me.
Like I had inadvertently used
Some kind of penguin racial slur.
I wiped the spittle from my face
And wondered how many people have ever tasted penguin saliva
It’s quite thick
He then started cursing the Antarctic penguin
Like a crazy with a score to settle
I heard him say he was from
It seemed like someplace a smart ass penguin would make up
Like a penguin could actually be from someplace
That was either made of or somehow on fire
I told the Walgreen’s Photo Technician
That this penguin was out of his mind
He laughed at me
And said that
Like a penguin gets a passport just to go to
I knew right then that the penguin was a liar
He was probably some kind of terrorist dirty bomber spy
It was perfect
Like a flight attendant could stop a penguin
From high jacking an airplane
I stared deep into his beady bird eyes
Wondering how I could hand cuff him due to his lack of wrists
It was useless
He was going to escape no matter what
Like a rich man on the Titanic
I stood in front of the generic photo background
And asked the WPT if I could hold the penguin in my passport photo
He said no
Like my wife is going to believe me now that
I tripped over a penguin at Walgreen’s