Saturday, July 29, 2006

Harold the Cockeyed Cockney Cock goes to Texas

Deep in the Heart of the British Slums
Full of British Pimps and British Bums
On the roughest and toughest British Block
Lives Harold the Cockeyed Cockney Cock

His unfortunate features are grossly distinct
From his vertical eyebrow to his sideways blink
His menacing stares with his left eye askance
Can make any Brit drop a load in his pants

Now most cocks are cocky but Harold’s the worst
Even his grandma thinks he is a jerk.
And it doesn’t take much to set that cock off
He once punched a priest that God blessed his cough

In fact he is famous all over Great Britain
For ruthlessly beating an elderly chicken
His name is synonymous with pounding in faces
Of chickens who mention that he drops all his H’s

One day a hen laughed when he said ‘ello
So he kicked at her beak and broke her elbow
His conduct was deemed so outrageously reckless
That the Queen had Harold banished to Texas

Reluctantly Harold packed his suitcase
And hopped the next plane to the lone star state
He landed in Houston an exiled cock
And suffered immediate culture shock

In England Harold was famous and feared
But in Texas Harold was just cockeyed and weird
Suddenly roosters wearing ten gallon hats
Pointed at Harold and said “hey what’s that”

“Oh Go ‘ey yourself” said the cocky cock Harry
Then he shot them a stare trying to be scary
But these cocks were cowboys raised on a ranch
And no loads were dropping in their cowboy pants

Out stepped a cowboy cock almost 3 feet tall
Looking just like Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall
“Listen Mr. Queer Eye, We don’t like your type
With all your missing H’s and lazy eye sight”

Harold who is always a master of tact
Said “To ‘ell with ‘ouston and cowboys ‘ats”
If you have a problem with me or my eye
I’ll fight you and kill you until you all die”

Some people think cock fights are cruel and inhumane
But some cocks are born to beat other cocks brains
The Houston cock with one Brad Pitty punch
Leveled out Harold to the ground with a crunch

The force of the pretty cock’s fist was so great
That it knocked Harold’s left eye from cockeyed to straight
Pain ricocheted through his entire cock body
And the punch broke his beak so he couldn’t speak cockney

Slowly the contrite cock rose to his feet
Humbled because he knew he’d been beat
Silent, straight eyed, alone and upset
Harold walked into the Texas sunset

3 comments:

josh said...

i love rhyming, (and good spelling)

hey man, i hope you are comming to greg's bachlors party.

Daniel said...

The poem is absurd and you have to read it too.

Daniel said...

Yeppers. Still Life is my favorite of the two you picked up, although my all-time favorite of his books is, Skinny Legs and All. He is a good writer not insomuch as he is philisophically sound, or insightful in a new ideas sort of way, but he is intertaining in the bluntest in-your-face-randomness-that-shows-characterization-and-story-can-coexist-in-great-detail sort of way.