Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Animal Lover

I bought a monkey with palsy from a guy on TV
And they threw in a hippo with epilepsy.
The day the two came by US Parcel Post
Was the happiest day in my lifetime, almost.

I unpacked my new friends and got them some food
And put newspaper down where the monkey went poo.
Wouldn't you know right there in the paper
Was a coupon for half off of a snake in a wheelchair.

So I logged on to redeem the exclusive web offer
And the feature this month was a donkey with cholera
I couldn’t resist his emaciated face
So I check marked the donkey along with the snake

They came the next day thanks to overnight shipping
The snakes wheels were stuck in a large donkey dripping
I was mad at Amazon for shipping them together
But they did arrive timely in spite of the weather

The snake knew the hippo and they talked about home
While the monkey called China on my cell phone
The donkey laid down by the fireplace
And continued to make uncontrollable waste

I found in my closet a pack of depends
And slipped one on to the donkeys hind end
He smiled and He Hawed and then closed his eyes
I'm glad someone loved him before he had to die

When I came back through my living room door
The hippo was thrashing around on the floor
I dove to protect the snake and the monkey
But they were both crushed like apricot chutney

I borrowed a bulldozer from a buddy of mine
And buried them all one at a time
I came back inside and turned on the TV
And cried myself to sleep watching Discovery.


Beautiful said...

I was skeptical but I think it is pretty dang funny.. you are too cute.. and a little morbid :)

Mike King said...

Too funny, very good, quite entertaining...

Daniel said...

You must focus. What good is a shepard with too many sheep. I liked it.

Andy Michael said...

This sounds like a 'They Might Be Giants' song.

Wonderful stuff!

Billy Brame said...

Thanks. They Might Be Giants are freaking amazing.