Saturday, November 05, 2005

I Pushed a giraffe down the stiars.
He had it coming.
The wily way he walked.
So smug it made me sick.
Taking three steps at a time.
Who does that?
He rolled over the railing
And into the parking lot.
Like a sack of potatoes
Except with legs and a neck.
The libraian called 911.
So I karate chopped her cell phone
And told her I had a harpoon.
(I pretty much always carry a harpoon.)
When the police man showed up
He kept asking me why I pushed him
Like it wasn't obvious.
He tried to handcuff me
But I have such small hands
It was useless.
I took his billy club
And threw it in the fountain.
I wished that all giraffes
Would get put in their place.
At the trial the judge was a jerk.
And a giraffe lover.
He gave me life in prison
So I gave him the finger.
If I would have had my harpoon
That judge would have been a goner.
In jail the inmates beat me up
Like I was a punching bag
Except I would bleed alot.

It seems like for some reason
Everyone likes giraffes.
I don't see what the big deal is.

9 comments:

A Lesser Grace said...

Fucking Awesome!
Pardon french.
Being tall I've alwasy felt an animosity toward the giraffes, and poliece, and hell, any figure of Authority.
I love the poem.
- Meg

Daniel once said...

Giraffes. Should we kill all giraffes? Giraffes make you sick! Then giraffes make me sick.

Jason said...

Billy, you need help.

Andy Michael said...

All giraffes should be pushed over like an old lady with a walker...or a whole line of old ladies with walkers - like dominoes. Old incontinent lady afer old incontinent lady.

I really found solace in your poem.

Daniel said...

Was that movie called "Broken Back Mountain" or "Broken Butt Mountain?"

Craig said...

Those Damn Giraffes, always acting so up'ity. Bout time someone put them in there place!

Dangerdane00 said...

do giraffes make you feel small?

Kristin said...

I think I have an inner giraffe. He is scared of you. I think he just wet himself

Dangerdane00 said...

really? i'm deep? atleast i don't have giraffe issues! love ya man! how was Meh he CO.