Tuesday, November 30, 2010

My Politics are Local

My politics are local
I am the president of my couch
My dog is speaker of the house of it
My wife is my Karl Rove
(My Architect not my fat bald guy)

I am the former Senator of my toilet
I served two terms
I lost a re-election bid to the guest towel
He was all attack ads and malicious rumors
Regarding the alleged use of decorative soaps
He went on to pass some major legislation

I cut my political teeth in the kitchen
Where I was elected to the cutting board
There I learned the art of self compromise
An old refrigerator taught me
That all elected officials are corrupt
He took money from a mold problem

I went on to be mayor of the backyard
It was there I had my first taste of controversy
There was lawn-mower-gate
Then Gate-gate
The 24 hour news cycle loved that one
It eventually blew over
It is always that way in local politics

My wife helped me leverage that office
Into a Governorship of the recliner
We were really making a name for myself.

The rumors of a couch candidacy ran rampant
Soon after, I appointed myself
The toilet Senator, which was Her idea
A timely Elvis-style death left a vacancy
Rec Room conspiracy theorists think
She killed my predecessor
Because she did

All is fair in love and local politics they say
Rather she says they say this
I don't know them well

I am mostly a figure head
A lame duck
The Commander and Chief of the couch
Is much less important than it seems
My main concern is legacy building
I think I will put my library in the basement
It would really help the community

I know being a public servant
Is supposed to be its own reward
But as my dog told my wife
Local politics can be ruff


Rachel said...

Brilliant, Billy! I love it!

Greg LaFollette said...

awesome man...passed some major legislation. classic.