Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Diary of a Dromedary

Dromedaries don't like camels.
They like Zydeco
And newsboy hats
They wear them on their one hump
As a sign of peace

Camels hate Dromedaries
They like yogurt
And mustached men
Like Bert Reynolds
And Steve Harvey

There is an unspoken agreement between Camels and Dromedaries
They can have yogurt and mustaches on men
And we can have newsboy hats and Zydeco
As long as they keep their extra hump to themselves
And don't flaunt it around like a loose woman

If you put a dromedary in a camels college writing class
He would shit a brick
And throw it at the teacher
Who is probably a two humped tramp
With a mustache

If you took a camel to a dromedary demolition derby
He would die of dehumping
As the demolition derby dromedaries
Rip off his pretentious protrusion
While wearing their symbolically peaceful newsboy hats

My heart breaks for my fellow beasts of burden
War is the scourge of a segregated society
Terrorism is the natural outcome of our circumstances
Violence is born out of class distinction
Racism will be the death of the desert.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

My Sister is a Rhombus

My sister is a rhombus
She was adopted from Finland
They have lots of rhombuses
She eats beats
They don’t have beats in Finland
I get in trouble if I call her a rhombus
But I do it anyway
Because she is one

At dinner I don’t look at her
She might steal my soul
Finns are soul stealers
They use their eyes
My sister is 6
That is 78 in rhombus years
So hopefully she will die soon
But Finns can live a long time

In the park she plays in the sand
Digging for beats
Beats grow in sand
I take her shovel hostage
She cries to mom
I give it back
Finnish Rhombuses are cry babies
My mom likes cry babies

I tried to sell her on EBay
But no one bid
They were afraid she would steal their soul
I also tried to mail her to Finland
But their weren’t enough stamps
Mom says I should love her
And I do
It’s just that she’s a rhombus.