Habitual Hater

I hate golf. I hate cabbage patches. I hate hair. I hate goblins. I hate hamburgers. I hate yoo-hoo. I hate people named Norman. I hate rabbits. I hate mashed potatoes with lumps. I hate wolf-man. I hate volume. I hate cobblestone. I hate stories. I hate buildings. I hate trees. I hate hands. I hate rap music. I hate California. I hate flogging. I hate jump ropes. I hate cats. I hate gin. I hate wires. I hate sentences. I hate mutton. I hate happy teachers. I hate shirts with collars. I hate rest. I hate falling. I hate answers. I hate tabletops. I hate fingernail collections. I hate disenchantment. I hate sideways. I hate midnight. I hate Robin Hood. I hate pickle relish.

The words I prayed

If only I could be that man.
The one who knows what to say
When she cries.
I fear that each silent second
Ticks away
And I have nothing
To give.

Humility sinks in
When proud orations
Seem trite and meaningless.
Like the Hypocrites
I long to only
have to be seen
Not taken seriously.

A tear hits my chest
As expectant ears
hope that words will come.
Words that have
Depth . . .
Feeling . . .
Love . . .
Yet nothing.

What if it never came.
What if the time ticked
And the tears dried
And our hearts stopped
And not a word
not a single word
not a single simple word

The Spirit overwhelms
My silence turns
Into grumblings
Of peaceful apologies
Repentant promises
Careful visions
Helpless Adoration

Romans 8:26

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

"I'm not a Slave
To a God that doesn't exist
I'm not a Slave
To a World that doesn’t give a s**t"

Marilyn Manson "Fight Song"

I just stayed up way to late to watch a movie that got me too hype on too many stupid ideas that get me so hype that I have to stay up and write about them than go to sleep. So about 6 months ago everybody and their mom watched this movie called "Bowling for Columbine" and told me I should do the same. The premise of the documentary film is that America has the most gun violence in the world. They try to figure out why and never really give any definitive answers. There is so much underlying activism in the movie that it can't possibly come into your head and not make an impact. I know that guns are bad, but now I know I shouldn't shot people. I don't know what I know I just know that Marilyn Manson is right. I am not a slave, being oppressed against my will by a fictitious Deity. I am a bondservant to a God-Man who has given s**t upon s**t for me. The cross the biggest s**ter of them all. I'm not a slave to a world either. I am a joint-heir in the kingdom with my Master who has called me son. Okay so that being said the movie rocked and that song got me hype. See it. Decide for yourself whether or not handguns are stupid.

Occasionally I stray away from coherent thoughts on this page. Today will be different. Today will be like Ice Cream cones made of Ice Cream. Today will be like Nazi calculus all the calculations with none of the hairdos. Today will be like a pantomime of the Mexican American war. Today will be like popcorn-balls-in-a-gym-sock slingshots. Today will be like a clothes hamper with the fashion savvy of a non-gay Whoopi Goldberg. Today will be like a riddle with no middle. Today will be like ham hocks that call each other by their surnames. Today will be about the same as a chicken wire piggy bank that can swim. Today will remind some of the forgotten holiday of Tognoblit where the traditional wafer was partaken of before its being forgotten except for those who still remember but don't do anything about it like write to the greeting card companies to make them declare it a national something so we can all get of work and be with our best of kin and partake of the traditional yet delicious wafer and sing carols and debate the existence of the Tognoblit Tyrannosaurus who comes down chimneys and dyes eggs into heart shaped cookies and lights fireworks on the kitchen table disturbing the punch bowl but cooking the traditional wafer just the way it was traditionally prepared before they started to buy them in bulk from the guy who is making a fortune selling the unleavened bread to the Jews at Passover and the bits of soon to be Jesus's to the Catholic diocese where transubstantiation is more of a back burner doctrine than a church splitting 95 theses kind of thing. Yes that will be today. Oh what a glorious day.

Today the na na na's got in the way of the opps I wish I had different set of circumstantial evidence to live my life in. The tin can river boat is sinking in the puddle that is between me and my wildest nightmares. If only I would keep the good fight going. To arrive beyond the shadow when the peace will align itself without my pesky permissiveness. Totting flyers like they were fancy jewelry and hoisting my high-jinks to the mast top like an independent rocket ship slowly going the way of the radio. To feel the pain of lost love is to take the shot of possibility in the arm where it hurts the most. Look the moon in the face and tell him your stories because that man in there is an illusion and they always seem to understand. Midnight percentages let sleeping dogs lie like the filthy dogs that they are. Pencil in the waste and you will find room in the budget for the basket case.

There is something really scary about scary stuff happening. I mean my fiancé isn't supposed to be in a car crash. That stuff doesn’t happen to regular people (me), it only happens on TV and stuff. So yeah, I know more than ever that God is taking care of me but to see how stinkin easy it is to die. Man this is a heavy post, sorry. She's okay and I think that every thing will be fine, but this is just one more reason to hate semi's.

Father if only I could remain. To abide is all I ask. Is there a way to live for you without life getting in the way. Oh what a life that would be without life getting in the way. If only I would abide in you. My heart is surely in need of your loving presence. Your strength and your support could carry me through. Your burden is so light and your yolk so easy. Why do I demand to do things my way. What things have I even done? I have done no thing but remain alive. If only I could remain in you life would live itself.